Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I ran away
WOW!! It has been almost 6 months since I started this blog............and I haven't wrote 1 thing:(
I had good intentions really I did, but here is the truth. I ran away this summer. Ran away to the beach. We had a tragic death in our family that shook me to my core, so I ran. Ran from Death, from reality, from sadness, from EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!! but guess what it all still found me. This summer was one of the hardest, yet best summers of my life because I really had to rely on the Lord to get me through. I wish I could share everything I learned but I can only share a little so I will start with this......Life goes on. Even when you don't want it to. There were so many different kinds of hurt that I experienced this summer, yet at the same time indescribable joys. Grieving so deeply it made me physically sick, yet watching my precious children run through the sand and jump the waves. My sweet baby girl begging me to go out in the water and play and not feeling like it but going anyway because how many more summers will she even want to play with Mommy. knowing that she would be starting school in the fall. I wanted to freeze time. Every moment was hard but precious. Some friends of ours daughter who is the same age as my daughter Kenedi was diagnosed with a brain tumor. As I watched my daughter swim and run and play, my heart ached for our friends. I realized after some time that I can not bring my loved one back, but I can spend every moment that I have left making precious memories with precious people. I am healing slowly but surely, there are still moments when I am angry and I want answers to my questions. But I know that my God is bigger. Bigger than brain tumors, drug addictions, broken marriages, strained friendships. Bigger than Cancer, and hurt, and dying beliefs. I know that he is bigger than all things. For there is Joy in the morning and in the Mourning.
I had good intentions really I did, but here is the truth. I ran away this summer. Ran away to the beach. We had a tragic death in our family that shook me to my core, so I ran. Ran from Death, from reality, from sadness, from EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!! but guess what it all still found me. This summer was one of the hardest, yet best summers of my life because I really had to rely on the Lord to get me through. I wish I could share everything I learned but I can only share a little so I will start with this......Life goes on. Even when you don't want it to. There were so many different kinds of hurt that I experienced this summer, yet at the same time indescribable joys. Grieving so deeply it made me physically sick, yet watching my precious children run through the sand and jump the waves. My sweet baby girl begging me to go out in the water and play and not feeling like it but going anyway because how many more summers will she even want to play with Mommy. knowing that she would be starting school in the fall. I wanted to freeze time. Every moment was hard but precious. Some friends of ours daughter who is the same age as my daughter Kenedi was diagnosed with a brain tumor. As I watched my daughter swim and run and play, my heart ached for our friends. I realized after some time that I can not bring my loved one back, but I can spend every moment that I have left making precious memories with precious people. I am healing slowly but surely, there are still moments when I am angry and I want answers to my questions. But I know that my God is bigger. Bigger than brain tumors, drug addictions, broken marriages, strained friendships. Bigger than Cancer, and hurt, and dying beliefs. I know that he is bigger than all things. For there is Joy in the morning and in the Mourning.
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